The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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