If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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