At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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