wat bout pragnant strippers??
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
