Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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