I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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