Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
how drunk are you?
Several
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
