I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
