You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
