I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We are two peas in an std pod
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
