i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
