We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
