This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
