Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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