The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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