Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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