U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
