I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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