His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
