I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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