Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
