Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Randomize
