I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
