I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize