We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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