How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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