Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
