No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
