I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
