i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
At least life still wants to fuck me.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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