he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
