Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
