New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
