I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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