you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
