I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Everclear isn't food dammit
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