Christians are straight up FREAKS
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
