he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
His nipple licking is glorious
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