Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
