I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize