Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
