wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
