Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
