Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
