Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
