i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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