If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
