She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
