You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Randomize
