if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
