in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
