The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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