I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize