yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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