i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
