my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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