He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
