wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
My feet surprised me
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
