Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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