Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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