two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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