I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The uberlube is also flammable
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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