Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
